Confessions of a Caregiver

It has been 5 months and 19 days since my sweet papa has passed and 6 days for the love of his life, my Mema, to follow. For 3 Years I have been their caregiver and have realized how easily it is at "the end stages" to do nothing but remember the hard times. The last couple of years I have had the thoughts "why?", or "I'm to young for this responsibility".


Why did this happen to them?
Why can't they just remember?
Why am I stuck with this responsibility by myself?
Why? Why? Why?

Deep down I knew it wasn't their fault. It just got so hard to see the dreaded word, "Alzheimer's" take over their lives. It was just so hard seeing the 2 people in my life who were like my parents, get taken over by this dreadful disease. Now that it is all over I realize how this disease can take over and make the "caregiver" remember nothing but how hard it was. I am choosing to get over it and blog about the good. I refuse to let it get the best of me. I want to remember the Mema and Papa that were my whole heart...the ones I looked up to growing up.....

I was rotten. I believe I have the only Mema who would set a blow up pool in her backyard and boil water to warm it up and put in the pool in SOUTH GEORGIA so I wouldnt get cold.

I NEVER heard my papa cuss....except the one time in the middle of the night when I was in High school and was crying b/c I had my heart broken by a boy....he called him an as&@"!?.

I rememeber from the time I was little till the day I got married papa saying "Ive said since the day you were born, I'll be your daddy, I'll be your best friend, and I'll be your papa".

Memas shopping days before school started.

Mema going and buying me EVERYTHING she could find for me to wear to my first NKOTB concert

Mema and papa letting me drive them to church WAY before I had a license just because they couldn't tell me "no" :)

Them taking me to church and the the yummy meals afterwards. My fave being DQ with all the "old" people

Going to gospel sings and papa trying to tell the group how good I could sing when I TOTALLY couldn't sing....but he made me think I could :)

Watching Little Mermaid and Bambi, even in high school, on my "sick days" with Mema

The first time I went on a date with Matt and BEGGED them not to embarrass me but as we drove away there stood papa with his dog at the door making the dog do bye bye moves with his paws.

Getting home from my first date with Matt and Mema saying "that's the boy you are going to marry"...I thought she was crazy...

Getting married and moving away and looking so forward to visiting them b/c they would spoil me.....yes, I was rotten.

Having kids and getting excited to visit them b/c I knew the whole weekend I was there the kids would be taken care of and I wouldn't have to change a diaper....like I said I was spoiled. :)

After having 3 kids, I remember my visit to see them and tried on my wedding dress for kicks and it ZIPPED!! WHOO!!! That was after lots of sucking in and papa zipping it up with Cheeto fingers. Yes, the Cheeto stain on the back is still there.

I could go on and on....the point of this blog is that it is SO easy to remember the hard stuff. I want to try and rememeber the good. What a blessed girl I was to have Mema and Papa, a priceless example of what true love is.

Happy Birthday Sweet Gracie!

Wow! Already a year has passed. If you would have asked us 3 years ago if we would ever have a girl the answer would have been "NO"! We just never thought it was in the cards for us.  Even now we randomly look at each other and say, "Can you believe we have a girl?'

 Oh what joy you have brought to us sweet Gracie. You have every one of us wrapped with that sweet crinkled up nose smile and the sweet little random girly noises you make.  Your brothers think the world of you, and part of the joy this year has been watching them take care and love on you CONSTANTLY. So much so that sometimes you see them coming and start fussing, and other times you see them coming and get jump out of your skin giggly excited. It's a pretty neat thing to watch and we just sit back and feel like our heart is going to explode because it is filled with so much happiness.

God has surely blessed us with you. I know no one is perfect, but you come pretty close. From sleeping through the night at 3 days old, to being the smiliest, happiest baby with  the best personality. You are a cuddle bug and give the best slobbery kisses.  Your "uh oohhh's,  dot daaaaaaaawwwwwwg!, ya you, and oh wow!" makes us grin and laugh constantly. I could go on and on. 

Happy Birthday sweet girl, we love you so much! Thank you God for blessing us so much with her and allowing us to be her family!